Measure it from the outside
From the inside you will not crack the motive — a number or a date shows it better than thinking.
"Am I lazy, or am I afraid?" — both answers look the same from the inside, and you can argue until morning. From the outside it shows immediately: how many times you did it this month, how many hours it took, what is written there. Interpretation soothes and changes nothing. A number changes. When you cannot decide what you have in you, stop looking inward and look at what you left outside.
A question from Seth
Stop guessing what's in you. How many times did you actually do it in the last month?